Relating without relating

1.  As Theodore L. Dorpat says, primary process thinking deals with the relational aspect of the communication. To use my own words, people are always thinking, "How does this other person relate to me? Am I someone they want to dominate, someone they want to submit to, or am I considered equal?" We can attempt to communicate to others by disregarding this side of communication, but that is unrealistic, because you cannot have a relationship with someone based purely on the exchange of facts.

Despite this, it seems that many people have been taught that an ideal relationship is based purely on factual exchange, and this method is the best for avoiding emotional complications. However, the very same people who believe this also quickly become paranoid if the other party also goes into stealth mode by avoiding signalling his intent.

 This indicates that they expect to experience the emotional side of the relationship, but they don't want to have to pay attention to it or to work on it. They reap their twisted harvest.

2.  Attempting to communicate without relating, many American men fall into a mode of paranoia.  Often this does not take long.  The subtext goes like this:
I was just trying to regale you with "the facts", but I see you are not trying to relate to me as a human being after all.  I can't stand it. "You're a mess".   
Am I wrong in suggesting that a demand that only one party should express themselves in a relational manner (and will be penalized for not doing so) is a gender issue?

I am not mistaken at all, because those who start from that position also go on to condemn those who do not relate to them  for being "a female stereotype" who have perhaps also brought the condemnation on themselves..

A demand that one side of the equation should "relate" whilst the other side should avoid relating is, therefore, a demand that others play a gendered role in the communication process.
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